SAB
Click to listen to Sab’s story while exploring the images.
BIPOC with eating disorders are half as likely to be diagnosed or to receive treatment.
Sab relied on multiple coffee and other caffeinated drinks for energy and the appearance of “normal eating” when she was restricting her food intake. During this time, her daily food consisted of one meal a day, which was a cup or bowl of something.
About Sab
Sabrina (she prefers Sab) was in the middle of a 90-day mental toughness challenge when we sat down in Central Park to do our interview. The challenge included sticking to a diet of one’s choosing, working out twice a day (with one of the workouts having to take place outside), reading 20 pages of a non-fiction book, and taking a daily progress photo. She was on day 47 when we talked.
She had also recently started her own fashion label after leaving a toxic job in the industry. She’s sharp, driven, and competitive – which in her words, “is not a good mindset for an eating disorder.”
Her early relationship with food was heavily shaped by her immigrant family’s culture. Celebrations were all about food and cooking together. She couldn’t say no to food placed in front of her at home, at relatives’ or friends’ houses – as in many cultures, it is considered profoundly impolite. She eventually developed binge-eating behaviors and patterns.
During the pandemic, she started chasing “body goals” like many of those trapped at home. She and her friends headed down the rabbit hole of burpee challenges and plant-based diets. She started to lose weight. In the middle of the lock-down, she moved to New York City for work.
The stress and loneliness of moving to a new place and starting a new job, combined with the bleakness of the pandemic, took her to a dark place. She started eating less and less, and weighing herself more and more. Her co-workers described the lunch she brought to work as “a kindergartener’s lunch.” She supplemented her lack of energy with coffee and other caffeine sources, having upwards of 5 cups a day. Coffee gave her a routine and made her feel more normal, she said.
She woke up to what was happening to her when she visited home and re-connected with friends and family. She felt safe again. She moved back home. She quit her job. The number on the scale stopped mattering as much, but the residue of this dream-like year of her life remains.
She has taken her healing very seriously. She diligently goes to therapy. She journals. She takes long walks. She stays very connected to her community. Yoga and movement have become critical parts of her journey to accepting and loving her body.